Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Integrating two topics

Let’s see how it turns out...
So today walking to the university I had racing thoughts about mistakes, and the reasons behind them. Seems simple so far, and it was, but let describe some background information about this mistake business, for me that is. The mistakes that I am talking about are the ones you regret, but not like a wrong answer on an exam, or missing out on something that you’ll forget a week from now, no I mean the mistakes that haunt you at the end of the year, the ones you can’t forget, you can just avoid thinking about…
Last year I had two of these, considering my average is three, I was quite proud of myself, actually in the last 10 years it was the first time I had only 2, had 4 once really bad year :P.
So far so good right? Less mistakes means it was a better year? Well it was, but not because of the mistakes, but simply because I took more chances, and still lowered the mistake rate. This got me thinking; doesn’t taking chances theoretically increase the likelihood of a mistake? It does, I mean one can argue the famous quote “I only regret what I didn’t do”, but the fact that you didn’t do it, only increases your wondering about it, dreaming of the “what ifs”. You normally don’t regret what you didn’t do, because you don’t really know it, you just dream about the way you wish it was, which is fine and healthy. (This is not to say it doesn’t happen, I am just point out the flaw in the generalization of the quote)
So why was it a better year in terms of mistakes? Lucky? Perhaps, or just a wake up call for this mistakes issue.
The more I think about it, the more I wonder why I am so proud of this low mistake number. The fact is I target this during the year, not to do this number of mistakes, but the have a low number, playing scenarios in my head, decisions trees, predictions, probabilities, tests, endless tools at my disposal to a achieve this, is it any wonder the number is low? Maybe if I was an idiot, which I am not.
I see this is an extensive topic, since I haven’t reached one of my points yet, sorry for that.
Back to the point, so I wondered, where do these mechanisms come from, and why do I set them into place? (There are other reasons, yet for the connection to the other topic I will refrain from going else where)
Perhaps it’s defense mechanisms? Think about it, I anticipate life, just not to do a mistake, just not to feel that I did wrong, I don’t do it because it is how I feel, I do it because it is the logical scenario to play out, life is just a game, or so some say, I don’t go that far (I would need to deal with a lot of internal issues to state this), but it can be faced like that. The more detached from the game you are, the better at it you’ll become…(Going out of the direction I was aiming for…)
People’s defense mechanisms are what defines how complex the world sees us, the weaker they are, the simpler the person…(A nice quote from your truly :P)
This is already too extensive, so I wont go for the other topic, shame on me :P, I’ll just mention it, “Why do we shut out people using complex word games to throw them off?”.
Concluding on the mistakes part, I wish I could say I’ll take more chances, I mean after doing a speech this big, I should right? Well I always say, nobody changes by decree (“Ninguém muda por decreto”), and I am not an exception, I can adjust myself artificially while I have it present in my mind, but in time, this isn’t me, the real world is still a big treat… but this is for me, how is it for you?

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