Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Emotional vs. Rational

A complex topic especially for the time I have to write about it, tomorrow I go to Milan, again, thus I’ll be absent for a few days. I didn't want to lose this chance of talking about this topic since it was raised today.
First I’d like to analyze the statement "Emotional vs. Rational", who among the readers thinks this is something that happens often? Who believes that emotions are the defining aspect of ones soul (or whatever you want to call it)? Who among you has been conflicted between emotions and reason? Well I must say I have, but I must add it was because of lack of perspective :P. The thing is reason is as bigger part of us as emotions, reasons validate emotions, and emotions validate reasons, it is a symbioses and not a fight between them. I know at times it feels as such, but it is just a matter of adjusting to the right perspective.
This is a long topic, I would love comments on the example that I interpreted today.
The argument was if you don't like someone because you feel it as such, there is nothing you can do about it to change this feeling. Well as I replied, this is actually not true, it simply depends on the amount of effort you are willing to put into to it.
When you need, and I emphasize the NEED, to get along with someone who you dislike, you have two choices, actually three which we'll disregard because I emphasize the NEED. One you can be false faking everything and get along with the person, hard to do depending on the type of person you are. Second choice, you can make an effort to change your point of view as many times as necessary to understand and get to know the person, this might be a task bigger than life at times, but surely never impossible, although I am considering myself as barometer it seems to be it is always a matter of effort. I admit that most of the times I can't be bother, but then again most of the times I don't need to get along with people. This is like when you meet someone who you really dislike and after you get to know them (see different perspectives) you start really liking them. Obviously I know sometimes even when we see all we still can't like someone, because of our own standards but at the very least we won't dislike them... The smartest of us know how to change perspectives in order to see beyond the obvious, even if we can't normally be bother to do it.
Going back to the point, perspectives are controlled by our rational side, and they affect our emotional side, which in turn affects or reasoning, molding our rational side it to fit our emotions. Once we are aware of this balance we can interfere with it, although this interference might not always produce the intended results... Or not, do comment on this one...

Monday, April 28, 2008

Entrapping words

Thoughts are a curious thing, they exist without an existence, we feel them yet they are real once spoken out loud, thus the entrapping words, the words that exist in our minds with no existence until they are spoken. Words of rage, words of pain, words of complex and untraceable logic that simply is, but how much is it? Words that once spoken will demand action, will scream for it escalating the courage of putting then out to a destructive rampage of your world.
While kept within they simply corrode your existence, one can argue that it takes more courage to keep our world away from the harm than might arise from unlashing of such words, yet this is merely disguising a selfish sentiment of self protection into a selfless act. How cool is logic, when it allows such things, the thing is it is not a choice, it is one of those things that time will force out, nothing stays buried forever, those are wise words.
Small post? well it is a courage buster, slow but steady, here a video for your consideration...

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The thought triggering chorus...

This chorus has been on my mind for a few days mocking me thus begging for a reaction:

Forfeit the game
Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame
Puts your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can't run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won't last

Think about for a day, I will do a follow up on it, once the battle in my head has a clear winner...
Enjoy the song...

Friday, April 25, 2008

About the comments

Hey today I comment the comments, I have something else I want to share but I’ll leave it for tomorrow.
I value people's inputs and as such I’ll address the issues raised by them.
Irene I’ll start by the bottom, what the doctor prescribe was a night out and not stuck in my head with myself, forced to go out and have fun or sulk in a crowd, regardless human interaction is always good for the soul giving us the chance to put things in perspective. Obviously I am glad you agree with me about the English, and me, the dude that never left Europe thinks you are also right about your side of the world, the weirdos :P. Anyways I hope you find your way back to the normal part of the world :P.
Now the tricky comment because it was written in Portuguese, never the less I’ll take a go at translating the bit that I’ll mention.

"Bem, certamente que consegues expressar-te bem melhor e ser mais claro, pelas tuas palavras, que pelas dos outros... Ou melhor, tornar-se-ia mais perceptível..."

Roughly is "well, certainly you can express yourself better and clearer by using your words than borrowing other people's words... better yet, it would be more understandable"

Right well what would be the point in that, I don't feel any need to be clearer or more understandable, this is already a compromise I did with myself. The blog is a way to express myself more, and this is more, regardless of the use of other people's words. Beside I know I am not a poet, but at times I feel like one, thus I use those who can make poetry to express my own views, the selections and combinations make up for my own unique view, giving the reader a glimpse of what I want to say...

And that is it, more comments will be appreciated, cheers.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Tick box

Just got back and I am tired, thus sleep with the box of posting something ticked :P

Monday, April 21, 2008

Splintered thoughts

Splintered thoughts have drifted out of my mind today, nothing new here right? well kind of true, yet today my sense of sarcasm was let's say in a high, a lot of interactions with people associated to this makes me smile :P I really enjoy myself when I am sarcastic... yet reality has a way of sneaking in and problem solving is one of my famous characters, you can't fight what you are good at I guess and on those issues sarcasm seems patronizing...
Tomorrow I go to Germany, so no post tomorrow, and honestly I had a fun topic for today and this shit came out, not that it is not true but...
Funny thing about a day like this, you see the potential of all directions including the importance of the one you are on, you do get this warm feeling inside for knowing it is a choice, well not really a choice, it is not about what you choose to be, but more about what you chose not to be, and not to do...
The value of life is measured in what? Your value? Your value for others? The reality? Well on days like this it doesn't really matter, things are clear on how you have to be... at least for some... but all? Well that is the tricky one, fighting for others is great and all, yet something more must be in order for you to be...
I guess this stopped making sense, too abstract sometimes becomes incomprehensible...
Catch you Wednesday....

No post today...

Sorry, today i can't realy write anything, catch you tomorrow...
A quote from the book of disquiet
"Faith is the instict of action"

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Silent words within screaming thoughts

A day absent from the world, a simple description of the complexity of my nothing, a silent scream to my world, to myself, to the wish of this concept of perfection that I can see but can't reach, the sight of the potential and the binding knowledge of reality. Real, fucked up word if you ask me, at least today... A question should I kill the pragmatic or the dreamer? I know I should keep both, yet I have the feeling that by doing this I kill the dreamer anyway... one of my brilliant conclusions for the day.
I don't want to do this, talk is so fucking cheap, the last resort of the cowards to justify themselves to the world... I am being unfair to words, yet they are also used in this way which is sad, and today I feel them as an extension of myself...
As such no more words from me let's borrow some... A tribute to the TV series that I found with some of these characters that I can relate, or I wish I could, anyways it is a great series... The video is more for the borrowed words…

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them
No, I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet
Love of my life
O, I need this

I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
No, I don't need them

O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
The angel sweet
Love of my life
I need this

Is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch my death
O, I mean it

I want to share another song, the first time might to sink in but…

Saturday, April 19, 2008

English night out

Today was the first time that I was out with a group of people where I was the only foreigner, this might seem strange considering I’ve been living in England for more than a year and a half, yet it is true. I had a close experience when I visited my friend Richard in Liverpool, although in that visit I went with Carlos who is Mexican, still we all went out with Richard’s mates, the biggest difference is this time I was alone, and there where more girls than boys.
English tend to be very polity people and although they appear friendly it is very hard to get in their circles, or at least I think so (the fact that I don't drink alcohol might have an influence on this). That been said, I do have some English friends and thus I get these experiences of a real English night out.
It is quite fascinating the English society and its social behavior, I’ve observed it for quite some time, but today I was in the first row and with access to all the information. To be fair it is not as straightforward as I initially thought, again societies tend to be more complex than they originally appear.
Honestly I am not passing the conclusions on to here, but I will say I was surprised.
On a more personal note it was just what the doctor order and it also confronted me with the sort of situation handling that I need to take into all aspects that have been troubling me for a while. Shadow of the day (Linkin Park) comes to mind but I am not putting it in here, honestly it might be interpret in the wrong way, so never mind this bit...
Anyways this is it for today, a socially positive day, which is always a good note.

Thursday, April 17, 2008


To those who may concern I am extremely pissed off at myself thus the world might pay the price for this. It is not to be taken in a completely bad way, but I am sure by taking it out on me some collateral damaged will happen, and my damaged control is not, lets say full power... Anyway this is a quick post because I want to go to bed and rest so at least some of the rage settles down...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Instruction to promises

Post time and today is a terrible day since I could probably write for hours here and yet wasn't able to write much on my first year viva, which is 6 months delayed. Well at least I am writing it now, have it in my head lets see how it looks once I am able to put it on paper.
Anyways I decided not to write much...
First I love rain, and walking in the rain is just perfect, right sound, right feel, I could say more but I guess there will be other opportunities.
Anyways today I realized something some might find intriguing, or not, I guess it depends on how much you know me. I don't do promises at least I haven't for ages now, it is a quite tricky concept for me since a promise is like a statement of ability and will, thus you do it. And again don't get me wrong it is not the bullshit promises everybody takes, but the vows you make to those who matter... A lot of who I am are the vows I made throughout my life, but the strange thing is I stopped them, for reasons that I could write about for hours, but in the end they would only be excuses for something I simply become...
Anyways just wanted to share that concern with you guys, maybe it comes back.
Sorry I need to stop I feel guilty already, I wrote more here that the whole day at the office, how ridiculous am I?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Linkin Park mood

Linkin Park mood
So I got Linkin Park live in Metz, and honestly I know I am bias since it is one of my favorite bands but the sound is awesome, really fitted. I always love listening to them but sometimes it fits like a perfect glove, today it was one of those days. Before I go into to that I want to express my extreme sadness for the lost knowledge of the kung fu art from my part, yesterday I tried doing some of it and it didn't come to me, I simply could remember the right moves, I felt like crap, I mean I can do moves, I can combine them but not the right sequence... Honestly something felt so wrong, I got the videos from it once I saw them it really sank in, I lost knowledge, and something I hold dear to me, it feels awful the feeling of lose, and yes I know I can try and get it back which I will, but still it was a reality check, if you want things to endure you must work on them...
Now for the scenery before the wisdom, I was walking outside this place:

When I pretend everything is what I want it to be, I look exactly like what you had always wanted to see, when I pretend, I can’t forget about the criminal I am, stealing second after second just cause I know I can, but I can’t pretend this is the way it’ll stay I’m just (trying to bend the truth), I can’t pretend I’m who you want me to be, so I’m (Lying my way from you), no, no turning back now (I wanna be pushed aside so let me go), no, no turning back now (Let me take back my life, I’d rather be all alone), no turning back now, (Anywhere on my own cause I can see), no, no turning back now (The very worst part of you is me).
I remember what they taught to me, remember condescending talk of who I ought to be, remember listening to all of that and this again, so I pretended up a person who was fittin’ in, and now you think this person really is me and I’m (Trying to bend the truth), but the more I push the more I'm pulling away 'cause I'm (Lying my way from you), no, no turning back now (I wanna be pushed aside so let me go), no, no turning back now (Let me take back my life I’d rather be all alone), no turning back now(Anywhere on my own cause I can see), no, no turning back now (The very worst part of you, the very worst part of you is ME).
This isn’t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me, like this... This isn’t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me, like this... This isn’t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me, like this... This isn’t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would have you running from me, like this...
(You) No turning back now (I wanna be pushed aside so let me go), no, no turning back now (Let me take back my life I’d rather be all alone), no turning back now (Anywhere on my own cause I can see), no, no turning back now (The very worst part of you, the very worst part of you is me)

Perfect words, here is the sound with them...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Do things happen for a reason

Hey from my bed, today I decided to write in bed, it feels more here for some strange reason. Not that today's topic has any requirement regarding this. Everything happens for a reason, does it? I mean who among us doesn't secretly hope that it does? How many actually believe it? The thing is for me things happen because of a reason, thus the time implication of the original statement is reversed. The famous for every action there is reaction; all it takes is the first one to start the motion, motion that explodes from simple to complex through the snow ball effect, leaving us lost in understanding the final situations. But if it happened for a reason wouldn't that be something? The concept of fate has always trouble me, this concept that you have no control, that regardless of your actions things will end up in a predetermined state. I hate when people go like it wasn't meant to be, I mean why not? If you have a reason state it, bullshit may sounds appealing and logical but it is hardly an excuse for the most important things, our own lives. If things are written why bother with them? Then again this might be written, that you will do nothing, see the flawless logic, it is a theory that is based on the possibilities and only assesses things after they happen. Like a football player said once "prognoses for the result of the game, only after the game", who would have guessed I would be using a football players philosophy...
it is so easy to explain wasted potential with this bullshit, I mean, it doesn't matter how smart we are since our life has been written there is nothing that we do that will divert from that. The wasted potential may serve as a lesson for others, who are we to know? I mean this field of excuses using logic is pitiful, I feel haunted by the need to use logic without seeing its true point... There you go a revelation. I am having a true open conversation with someone from my past, and thus I stop this post... hope it is enough, I leave you with a nice song...

Slip out the back (Brilliant)

I am unsure if I shared something with you guys, anyways today I was listening to my Linkin Park collection and this one came to mind, it is not from Linkin Park, it is from Fort Minor a side project from Mike the rap vocalist from LP.
Listen while reading trust me you won’t be sorry.

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so I could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, I'm trying not to be worthless
Since I last saw you I been looking for a purpose
Well I met this kid who thought like I did
He had a weird way of looking at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I don't remember where I met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was just too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I don't need to tell you that life isn't fair, it doesn't care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you I want someone to say its OKAY
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when I'm saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I'm no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
I'm spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair
I didn't want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero but don't think I didn't care

Saturday, April 12, 2008

In doubt ... perhaps Madro

Aro (a kind of hello in Portuguese), today I was looking forward to write about rabbits that I pull out of my hat, the twisted views of my brain, the sudden realizations, the clarity of thought, the results of a different approached week...
LOL, I am just realizing that you might be curious about all this, and I am writing it to say that I am talking about something else :P, some irony is always nice.
Today I saw Sicko, let me tell you how proud I am of being Portuguese and in turn also European, there are definitely reasons why this is the old continent and the cradle of modern civilization, I would even go further and call us the visionaries of the obvious, not living in a perfect system we do excel in its improvement...
Not sure I actually want to talk about this, LOL, let's just say people are strange they live without realizing what they possess, being that the benefits of your country or the closeness of a true friend, the potential just there, the lack of vision for the obvious. The thing is I suffer from the same illness with the conscience of it which makes it frustrating, although it gives me the clarity of thought to prepare for the lack of vision. Decisions are easy, good decisions are the tricky bit...
People can pull out all sorts of shit from their magic hat, and yet I find myself questioning the relevance of doing so... Don't get me wrong to those that are under my protection the relevance is clear, what I mean is why use it to compensate for our own lack of vision, or worst to compensate for the lack of vision of others.
Someone today pointed something interesting without realizing it, the simple approach might not be the best, the right, etc, but it is simple, and in that lies its appeal after all who wants to excel? ME, fucking idiots of the world, but I did realize something, what I want might not be that clear, but what I don't want is crystal clear, personally and for the world, yes I am still talking about both things, don't you just love abstraction :P.
Simplicity on the rules, complexity is an outcome of the interactions of the simple, we are merely a mutation of a conjunction of simple things providing us with the illusion of complexity.
Break it down, divide and conquer as Caesar said, you'll find more answers than you expected....
Potential is all fine and great, but it is a mere contextualization of the nothing that could, but should it? Well I guess that depends on the want. The theory of the could, should and want which doesn't have to come on that order. Basically all we do can be reduced to these 3 things, different people use different weights for each of the things, but the end result is the same, it maps people's decisions. Some people don't care about should, only about can and want, others only can, and the idiots only should (personal opinion, if you decide based only on other you are not living your life).
Today I feel like a natural bullshiter, I just erased something quite personal, the thing is what the fuck is this damage control about, the simplicity of fact, the description of a concept you wish you had... well I leave it in the words of others, besides it is not like... better yet I defy comments on this video and what I mean with it (who bets I get no comments?)...(I added another one hope it helps :P)

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Stupid Girl

Today i could write a post, and yet I want to use someone else’s words so... :P

You pretend you’re high
You pretend you’re bored
You pretend you’re anything
Just to be adored
And what you need
Is what you get

Don’t believe in fear
Don’t believe in faith
Don’t believe in anything
That you can’t break

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

What drives you on what drives you on
Can drive you mad can drive you mad
A million lies to sell yourself
Is all you ever had

Don’t believe in love
Don’t believe in hate
Don’t believe in anything
That you can’t waste

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can’t believe you fake it
Can’t believe you fake it

Don’t believe in fear
Don’t believe in pain
Don’t believe in anyone
That you can’t tame

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
All you had you wasted
All you had you wasted

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can’t believe you fake it
Can’t believe you fake it

You stupid girl
You stupid girl
Can’t believe you fake it
Can’t believe you fake it

You stupid girl

Here's the song and clip, enjoy...

Monday, April 7, 2008

Torn post (maybe not the best title after writing it :P)

Today I am divided between a trivial post and a deep post (if I can be deep). If I went for the moment I would go for deep, yet there is a voice inside of me telling me off on it, so I’ll go for the trivial and see how much I get done, regardless I promises I post on this because its been match by perfect melodies that I wish to share, perhaps I will still on this post, no words just the sound... perhaps after a song I’ve been meaning to put in, and thought I would today... Anyway I am stalling...
Today I left the house late, thus I walked to the bus station. On my way I passed something that is quite common in the UK which I can't seem to get used to. The parents of small kids with leaches on them, walking them like dogs, honestly like dogs, how fucking demeaning is this? The kids will be damaged for life, not that way and they pull like dogs. Am I the only one that finds this simply wrong?
My mind was wondering on this, and the implications for the kids, when suddenly I see another quite common thing in the UK, a teenage mother with 2 kids, like 16 year old with 2 kids, what are these people thinking? In the 21st century how can this happen? Honestly their life is seriously compromised, I mean fuck!!
Anyways two reality checks, quite interesting way to start the morning... And my original thoughts backed by this song made more sense...

I look around me
But all I seem to see
It's people going nowhere
Expecting sympathy
It’s like we’re going through the emotions
Of the scripted destiny
Tell me where’s our inspiration
If life won’t wait
I guess it’s up to me

No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
We won't come back, the world is coming out
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

Procrastination running circles in my head
While you sit there contemplating you’ll wind up left for dead (left for dead)
Life it’s what happens
While you’re busy making your excuses
Another day, another casualty
But that won’t happen to me

No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
We won't come back, the world is coming out
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m goooone
When I’m gooone

Let’s go…!
Won’t look back
When I say goodbye
We’re gonna leave this world behind me
Gonna take what’s mine tonight
‘cause every wasted day
Becomes a wasted chance
You’re gonna wake up feeling sorry
‘cause life won’t wait
I guess it’s up to you

No we’re not gonna waste another moment in this town
We won't come back, the world is coming out
Leave the past in the past gonna find the future
And misery loves company
Well so long
You’ll miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

I think the post looks good without the other part, so not so torn :P, regardless the next two days I’ll do very small posts which make perfect opportunities to share the song that I wanted to share. For now this one says more than it seems, it is quite good, at least for me and my world of metaphors ;)...

Sunday, April 6, 2008


Right today I was going to talk about being less online, and so on... BUT BENFICA PLAYED...
I feel too cheated, I heart is pumping like mad, a great game, they played awesome, which by the way I admit we haven't done so in a while. BUT FUCK 3 clear penalties, one penalty against that didn't exist, the keeper got it so it wasn't that big the mistake.
Honestly it's like the referee just punch me, and the fucking other team they were kicking the players not the ball, fuck...
I feel like shit, and yes I am a boy that cares about football, fuck haven't watch a game live in a while, today I decided to watch it and ...
DEPRESSION, tomorrow I’ll be so depressed, now I am fucking angry, bahhhh...
Anyway congratulations to Benfica players you made me proud today, never gave up, even though they didn't win, for me they deserved the shirts that they had, like I heard our coach just say, team should be proud, and the others should feel the shame that this game was, a disgrace to football...


Sorry for those who don't understand Portuguese, but chances are you wouldn't understand anyway...


I wrote a huge text which I realized that it was simply whining on my part, so not today, thus I deleted it, I won't say anything that I intent to do or not do, I’ll go back to my old self and talk about things after they've been digested, nobody is paying attention anyway...
Found a song that I have to put in the CD, and since two of its songs are the same, simply different versions, I’ll probably include it...
"The void is most felt in the absence of what's known" my sentence of the day, weird shit sometimes comes to my mind, lets see if I can stop that...
Here the song that I have to include with an OC theme, another tribute or maybe something more, enjoy...

During my search for a video this one seems... nevermind just watch and listen...

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Tell me why....

Instead of more words simply a beat...

Also serves as a tribute to the great anime Naruto, one of many to come...

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Wise Brother

Well the first topic that came to mind was big brother, but I didn't want the whole connotations of all that expression, perhaps I should have gone for responsible brother, but this is more about being wise all around than really simply responsible.
Have you heard about the expression "pay it forward"? Well for those who can, you should...
The thing I am not that nice of a person, or I am not nice when I can be, I am nice when I choose to be. It isn't as bad as it sounds since I am nice to all the ones who matter to me, just can be hypocritical about it and say I do the same to all. Regardless of this some people get my, lets say insight due to others for one reason or another some don't deserve if not because of others. That been said I do realize that it does more harm than good not to help in certain situations, but unfortunately I can't go against my will, or don't want to go against it :P.
Sometimes the illusion that the world is clear to all sets in to our minds, it is so clear how things are in our mind that we can't even consider that others might not have the ability to see even a glimpse of it. For me the gift of insight is a gift and a curse, at least applied in my life, yet it is quite useful for others.
People have a tendency to look only to what is in front of them, which they should do in combination with looking ahead. I won’t be hypocritical on this, at times we can only see what is in front of us, you feel trapped in the cycles of thoughts that reach no conclusions and simply serve to frustrate and depress. This is something that happens to all, including me, the question is what to do about it? Think about it if the thoughts are always the same, isn't that a hint you need a new view? Like one of my favorite all time movies stated something’s you need to change your physical viewpoint to perceive that reality is not a static thing.
The fear of thinking steps in right? The fear of actually having to face your life, not just the day to day reality, the face off between you and your perspective of yourself. No, let's not think, after all if we don't it doesn't really exist right? Wrong, it is like when you know something, but it is not true until it has been said... Honestly PEOPLE FUCKING GROW UP... Fear is part of life, especially fear of failing, the thing is what if you fail? If you are afraid you can't possibility think less of yourself, thus the only way is up... I do realize this is quite more complex especially for complex people like me, or simple, like I said perspective does make a huge difference.
I feel like I should stop talking but I want to make one last point.
If you know you can't deal with it, and know someone else can do it for you, or at least help a lot, WHY DON'T YOU ASK FOR HELP? What the fuck is it with this stupidity of trying to deal with things by yourself, when you know you can't? I know that the people that know me are now smiling, probably thinking you do the same, the thing is I don't. Don't believe me? Think about it, have I ever hesitated to ask for your help when I needed it? One thing is to try and solve things by yourself, another is to be an idiot and not recognize we all need help from time to time. I don't ask if I don't think people can help, but if I know they can... This is why I get pissed off at people when I find out by myself their problems (or by extracting the problems by force from them) and realizing that they didn't come to me, when clearly I could have done something....
Anyways enough for today, good night and I do hope this post helps people to think a bit more about things...

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Th Book of Disquiet

"Tedium is not the disease of being bored because there's nothing to do, but the more serious disease of feeling that there's nothing worth doing. This means that the more there is to do, the more tedium one will feel."

"In order to create, I destroyed myself; I have externalized so much of my inner life that even inside I now exist only externally."

"My life is so sad, and I don't even think of weeping over it; my days are so false, and I don't even dream of trying to change them."

"I prefer to fail having known the beauty of flowers than to triumph in a wilderness, for triumph is the blindness of the soul left alone with its worthlessness."

"What I most of all feel is weariness, and the disquiet that is its twin when the weariness has no reason to exist but to exist. I dread the gestures I have to make and am intellectually shy about the word I have to speak. Everything strikes me in advance as futile."

"Everything is complex for those who think, and no doubt thought itself takes delight in making things yet more complex. But those who think need to justofy their abdication with a vast programme of understanding, which they set forth - like liars their explanations - with heaps of exagerated detail that eventually reveal, once the earth is swept away, the lying root.
Everything is complex, or I'm the one who's complex. But at any rate it doesn't matter, because at any rate nothing matters. All of this, all these considerations that have strayed off the broad highway, vegetate in the gardens of excluded gods like climbing plants detached from their walls. Ans on this night as I conclude these inconclusive considerations, I smile at the vital irony which makes them appear in the human soul that was already, even before there were stars, an orphan of Fate's grand purposes."

For the people who don't know it, well i think this might inspire you to read this very heavy for the soul book from one of Portugal's greatest writters Fernando Pessoa...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


Today I managed to join the too extra from yesterday together due to let's say interesting conversation about one of the topics. I have to note that today I would definitely talk about Tibet since it was a very recurrent topic throughout the day, but... :P
Some people are afraid to be alone, the thought alone is just unbearable. Why this is? Well it is really not the point for today, but rather the mechanisms people construct to deal with this. The most comm. one is getting a lot of so called "friends", those who know me understand why I used the quote on the word, who are so friendly it itches, the sort of people that would say "I am a great friend but on that he was completely wrong". Perhaps I should give the idea, imagine you cheat on your girlfriend, and your "friends" find out about it and say that, because friends would say I am sure he has his reasons and it is probably not his fault. How many friends like that do you have? I have a couple so lucky me... Regardless of this, since I drifting out of the topic, people surround themselves with people that are beneath them, intellectually, socially, etc, for a guarantee of company, it is better to pretend to have a life than not have one at all... NO FUCKING WAY, after a while you can't even recognize yourself and separate who you are from who you hang out with, you corrupt yourself because a stupid fear... Life is short, I know a cliché, butt it is, how much time can you lose around people you know are nice and everything but simply aren't it? You know it, they probably know it, so why? Give your time to new things they might be worst but then again they might not...
Which brings me to another topic, a bit more personal, and I am sorry the previous one was too scattered, a close friend of mine told me she realized after watching a rerun of house, that I am more similar to him than she thought, not only on the irony but also in his sadness. This for me was kind of a given that I thought people saw when they did the comparison, apparently I was overestimating people's comparison :P. The thing is house isn't happy most of the time, and he doesn't pretend to be, he doesn't feel the need to do so, here with differ on the form, I don't pretend but I elude people towards not making any assumptions about my happiness level, specially people close to me, he is a bit more blunt about it. It was pointed out to me that he seeks to be unhappy and destroy happiness, his own and of his friends, I couldn't disagree more, he seeks to validate happiness because if it is not why bother? He is open to the possibility of it being true, but his skeptical about it, he wants the whole shit and not just a sample of it...
He has all reasons to be happy, like people point out to him, and he knows it, but for him what he has is peanuts, little more than what is obvious, and what is not he tests to see if it is true, friends, new concepts, new truths, new illusions...
I wondering does anybody else see this? Let me know....
Here a video I shown a lot of people maybe they will see it with different eyes now...