Saturday, February 23, 2008

Small mix

Big day today, started out slow, mobile run out of battery thus no alarm in the morning so oversleeping mode was on. Woke up still with yesterday's considerations, and how the recognition of the lost opportunities also denotes potential, which was a quite good realization, like the saying goes "every day is a new day to do better" and be better.
The work was mainly finding a good way to structure the impacts of the proposal that I am helping to put together with some colleagues, so nothing much there.
Now I’ll become less grounded and lift of to the abstract extrapolations...(sorry for that :P) since don't want to talk too much, if I stop half way, well who cares anyway...
Real time reactions, the things that you have to react to in real time, thus very little time to process the information... Normally it is quite easy to avoid situations where real time reactions occurs, don't get me wrong you always have them, but if you consider scenarios before hand and explore them through (at least a few levels in, meaning previewing some of the consequences and their required reaction...), this gives you quick reaction time to predicted scenarios, and not only that, it gives you the ability to better guide the situation to the scenario you find more suitable.(I could go on, but this is not the point of today :P)
Even will all efforts to avoid real time reactions, eventually you will be in such situations, the question is how not to react in a way that you might not want to justify, or in a way you can't justify, at least for me this is quite important, accountability is a key issue in human interaction.
Anyways today I realized something that I’ve been noticing for a while, I can almost react in real time, I can read things quicker than before, thus I must say that experience does give you this ability, and obviously the ability to damage control....
Ok, enough with that one, lets move on, I found myself wondering in unfamiliar territory exploring the corners of my mind in the search for justifications, and basically I identified fear as one of the key driving forces of life, not only mine, but how it goes to explain so many others. When you look at a situation and try to localize fear chances are you'll find it, it is always there, sometimes a bit more hidden than others but it is always present. (Quite interesting considering the "who move my cheese" theory of "what would I do if I wasn't scared?")
Fear of life, or fear of not living, or both which is simply a fucked up situation, it is scary how much fear plays us in life, fear of failure, fear, fear, fear, but fuck what is this concept of fear? Why do we feel it? Do we actually feel it or is it a figment of rationalization, does it come from our instincts or from our ability to consider the different scenarios through logic? This one is hard, I thing I feel fear, but I also create fear from logic, possibilities, probabilities, fuck where am I in all of this. "Fear is the mind killer" quote from "Dune" which I want extend to life killer, soul corruptor, conscience shifter, thoughts molder, and I could go on.
And I’ll stop with the fear, although this is really not the whole picture.
The last one I want to mention if our inability to face what we don't want to know, the extent we go to avoid the recognition of things we know but simply wish we didn't. This is obviously connected to fear, but it is not resumed to it, the need to elude ourselves, to pretend, to dream, to.... one simple question why?
Every one is playing their game, their strategy, their rules, their life, I hate playing my game.... How do you feel about yours?

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