So today I'll write a old style post, no title to start with and seeing where the words take me. The thing is I've spent the whole day not writing what I am suppose to be writing, at this rate I'll never finish the bloody paper. Right maybe I should point that out, I am writing a conference paper, which shouldn't be a big problem. A conference paper doesn't need to be, lets say perfect. It is the lower class publication, the first stone some might say, the direction of the research, preliminary findings etc.
I have enough material for more than one conference paper, I have enough material even for one journal paper, which is the high end. But the fact of the matter is, I can bring myself to write it. I know people say writing is hard, because it depends on the mood, some days you write nothing some days you write loads of pages. I have experienced this before when writing my progress report, but them I was more lost about it, here I know what to do but I don't. It pisses me off, because it is only my fault. I have the time, I have the ideas, but the words don't come to me. Actually that is not even true because once I leave the office I start thinking of it, what needs to be written, how to argue it, etc. As soon as i sit down anything goes for an excuse not to work on it. It might be that I don't think it is good enough for a paper, I guess everybody thinks that, but it is not even that, I've discussed it with others including my supervisor and it is fine. SO WHAT THE FUCK. Some frustration obviously, mainly because this makes me wonder about the whole PhD shit, if I should be doing it. This is a issue that rises every time I write something for the PhD, but now it is even more present, it is like now it is PhD time but I can't focus in it. When your life is going well this sort of shit just makes you feel like shit, it is not that you can't do it, it is simply you can't bother to do it. So how do you get motivation to do what you must, when it is about writing and inspiration? If you find out let me know, I'll also keep you posted.
Writing is the art of bullshiting in a coherent way, when there are no lifelines like seeing peoples expressions, you need to anticipate questions and lead the reader toward what you want to say. It has to make sense, be appealing, it has to flow, it has to sound good, it has to look it as well. The thing is sometimes you are not aware of what you want to say, I mean not in general terms, but in concrete terms you want to say a lot, but you are unsure of what it your ultimate point. Sometimes this comes out of writing, basically you had not point to begin with, but at the end well... I am writing a post from nothing ;P
Anyways I am rambling, tomorrow my post will be about technology, whatever I managed to write tomorrow will be summarized in a post that is a promise. I am better at promises, or so I hope...
Anyway this is the end of the post, so the title should be "To write or not to write?" that is indeed the question.