Thursday, August 21, 2008

The meaningful nothingness...

A post written without a direction, point or purpose. Perhaps this is a bit of an exaggeration considering I am writing it. Regardless of the vicissitudes of my complexities, this is my intention. The phone rang, interrupted this wave of writing, the voice of possibility shows me just that, emphasises the strange complexities of mixed feelings. The expectations for the future are, yes they simply are, contrasting for their previous absence. The knowledge of one's future in the abstract is only a blip in comparison to its possible application. I can bullshit some much :P, PhD in the making I guess. The point I want to make is valid, when we want to, really want to, we can project our future with a certain abstraction and randomness on the details, for example "I'll get a job in a certain field". This is a mere intellectual exercise for our own reassurance, but it also drains a bit of the surprise factors of life, if you are good at this exercise that is. If it would only be this simple, things can be so much more than our expectations, they can be exactly what we described but yet the description seems to fall short of its impact on us. The crude intellectual will tell you what it is, you know it, but it doesn't quite cover it.
This is sounding quite depressing when in fact I am quite good. This works for the good and the bad, I guess it works even better for the good considering people are overly concerned by nature, thus describing the lows much more accurately, that or the fact that we mostly have lows so we have experience :P. What an awful thought, but it might be true, I just write what comes to mind so you should blame the brain, I am perfectly innocent here ;P.
The fact is I wrote quite a bit and I still have no topic in mind for this post, change? Well there are some changes coming my way, or they already got here. That is probably more accurate, they have occurred, or at most in the process of... I don't why I suggested change, I have the need to state a lot about it, but not have really come to terms with this exposure. On the upside my friends are in their majority quite aware of the events in my life, in that sense this blog has helped me to actually open up more, at least to does who matter and you can access. Another lesson is it is fucking hard to define a speech to the world, like when you are doing a presentation you should know your audience before you prepare it to ensure you do well. To present to the world and do well is quite tricky, not that it really matters to me, but seriously it is a shortcoming and I hate those. The power of abstraction is the ability to speak your mind for a global understanding but to no real insight. To those who read this blog and are not in the loop it all looks like whatever you want it to be, for those who know more, well they have some insight... So much to say about this, so little patience, in reality the only view that matters is my own, and even if I don't cover up my bases using abstraction, I would say that in most of the cases I could twist and bend it to serve my needs. That one came out of nowhere, my brain is quite tricky sometimes giving counter arguments even when I don't require them.
Still no topic, funny how time frames can describe us, how the mere glimpse of us is conditioned by time, the wisdom of age I guess, like the quote "don't take life too seriously, no one comes out alive anyway", quite true, and yet it is one of those paradoxes, when you don't take it too seriously, you are really taking it, you live it, you free yourself to live it... One of my ramblings :P, this brain is weird today.
A lot has been written, I would say the lesser bored at this point have already passed on reading this, :P, not sure that was my intention, perhaps it was...
The loneliness of being alone among others is no stranger to me, or to most of us I would say, what about the loneliness of being alone without feeling it, also familiar? what about not feeling it while being completely aware you are physically alone? well perhaps it is another of those ramblings again :P
To the world of worlds, to my world, to the keeper of worlds, to the handler, to the persona I can be and sometimes am, I believe it is time for a new exploration period, something that has been building up since I started this blog, perhaps even one of the triggers for it... Doesn't make sense? well never said I would always make sense in this place, the place for my senselessness ;P.
I would like to stop, but honestly it is hard without a topic, what did I really say? Nothing in the form of a lot, nothing that prepares you for the something you can't understand until it has been said. The meaningful nothingness, ehehehe, good topic, done, well for now anyway...

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