There is a lurking sadness within us, the potential to feel down, some might say the dark potential of feeling down... It is an intrinsic part of who we are, in one way or the other, on some more evident than in others... Despite its dark and bad connotations, people's sadness is one of the biggest sources of inspiration, just think about how many sad songs have touch you in one form or another, and think about how many happy songs do you actually know... Sadness is bad, and yet we hold some sort of fascination for it, it is like it is something we don't like feeling but like staring at... We understand its beauty when we don't feel it, and when we do feel it? Well, then it consumes us... Old myths come to mind, the guy that flu too close to the sun... In reality we normally jump in and out of sadness, not in a controlled manor, but it is like there is on most of us a balance of how much we endure the sadness before we jump out of it... We find ways to comfort ourselves in it, normally using the results of sadness on others (music, poems, films...)... Sadness is something you feel at your core, it is always there, but sometimes it simply cannot be ignored... Or... Or...
Sadness is a modern invention for people with too much time to think about things that are simple... In fact depression is a form of permanent sadness only present to those who don't really have to fight for their survival... At the end of the day, you have within what you are, and nowadays can anybody that has access to this blog really say they are not the result of their society... Can anybody say beyond a reasonable doubt that they are not a mere result of modern times, modern living, modern cravings... We are what we choose to be, however that choice is very driven, and thus not really a choice... In the end I am one of these mere results, we the need to think I am special in some way or form, and thus feel the need to go to my sadness within to inspire the worst states where I come up with dark shit like this, that may or not make sense... Well at least I can write from the dark places in my head, good or bad, that is something....
Monday, November 22, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Does Anything Happen at Random?
The other day I came across a very interesting talk about probability if you have time I definitely recommend it... You might see quite different ;)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Talking out loud...
I've been working heavily on my thesis, which drains me from writing in the blog. Nevertheless I thought I could talk to the blog, try to make a coherent text of my speech. This natural language to is quite interesting, however it's not very useful for writing a thesis since it requires a lot of rework after you dictate the content. Still quite useful for blogging since you don't really care to misspell something or if the logic is correct, or if it's in the right place. I have a backlog of posts that I wanted to write, I can't find it in the strength to do it, on the upside I did write the titles for them, so I won't forget to write them in the near future. I just want to say hi, still alive, still breathing at least, all in all not bad but feel that. It's funny how you can know that you aren't bad, but still feel like crap. A friend of mine told me yesterday that he doesn't read my blog because he feels it's too depressing, which might be true actually. But as the last event whatever frustrations of the day I have, plus not like I have that many followers anyway, hopefully I'm not making anybody depressed. If I am, well, you shouldn't feel depressed life is great, life is what you choose to do with it, and if you choose to do a PhD, well it's only for a few years. Now the rest of your life still happy and to be fair it's only the last year that really takes to energy out of you, until then actually quite a nice experience. Like I said I don't when really, find out what you want to do with your life and be happy, if you aren't happy that means that whatever you're doing is not right. So take a leap and change all I can say.
P.S.- Written using natural language, so might contain errors ;P
P.S.- Written using natural language, so might contain errors ;P
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Writing a post in natural language
hello world, today I'm not writing but dictating to the computer and seeing what comes up. It is surprisingly quite accurate system and I've only trained it in the first instance. It is remarkable how far technology has come in and understanding the way we speak. Most people are not aware of the system and are not aware that they could use such a system, in fact I can see this as a great substitute for certain secretaries that do mostly nothing.
You just have to speak and give commands and this actually interprets everything like nicely. I'm not correcting it in on purpose so you seen the limitations of this software. In fact it's not done on the previous line had a problem but you can still understand the content of the message. And you have to still bear in mind that I only did the one training exercise in fact this has quite advanced exercises with very elaborate text. Another thing that you might consider is that I'm talking fluently and not spelling each word. Again it has some bugs but I'm quite impressed by the software if you're using a proper microphone. I have tried this in the past using a rubbish microphone and it didn't give me any results so don't underestimate the power of a good microphone. Hopefully all of this makes sense because I do not checking all the words that I've been ordering written.
This is just an interesting post for me, and it shows the potential of technology if you know how to use it. I think that that's one of the biggest limitations that our society has. Most people have no understanding of how to use technology or even have the smallest notion of its potential. So I find it quite remarkable that peoples still say that we to progress technologically, when in fact if we use the technology available to us right now we would be already in the far far future.
Thank you for listening, and in this case it's really listening because I haven't touched the keyboard ( well I mostly didn't but sometimes I spoke out of turn in the software product wrong, but hopefully it gives you a good impression on this software with minimum configurations to your voice and your speech).
You just have to speak and give commands and this actually interprets everything like nicely. I'm not correcting it in on purpose so you seen the limitations of this software. In fact it's not done on the previous line had a problem but you can still understand the content of the message. And you have to still bear in mind that I only did the one training exercise in fact this has quite advanced exercises with very elaborate text. Another thing that you might consider is that I'm talking fluently and not spelling each word. Again it has some bugs but I'm quite impressed by the software if you're using a proper microphone. I have tried this in the past using a rubbish microphone and it didn't give me any results so don't underestimate the power of a good microphone. Hopefully all of this makes sense because I do not checking all the words that I've been ordering written.
This is just an interesting post for me, and it shows the potential of technology if you know how to use it. I think that that's one of the biggest limitations that our society has. Most people have no understanding of how to use technology or even have the smallest notion of its potential. So I find it quite remarkable that peoples still say that we to progress technologically, when in fact if we use the technology available to us right now we would be already in the far far future.
Thank you for listening, and in this case it's really listening because I haven't touched the keyboard ( well I mostly didn't but sometimes I spoke out of turn in the software product wrong, but hopefully it gives you a good impression on this software with minimum configurations to your voice and your speech).
Thursday, November 11, 2010
"I believe in me"... (or do I?)
Bravely I look further than I see, knowing things I know I cannot be, not now... I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is and there's something right in front of me and I...
Touch the fingers of my hand and I wonder if it's me, holding on and on to theories of prosperity, someone who can promise me: "I believe in me"...
Tomorrow I was nothing, yesterday I'll be, time has fooled me into thinking it's a part of me.
Nothing in this room but empty space, no me, no world, no mind, no face...
Touch the fingers of my hand and tell me if it's me, holding on and on to Love, what else is real?
A religion that appeals to me, "I believe in me"...
Can you turn me off for just a second, please, turn me into something faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless, vacuum state of peace....
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...
Wait for me, I'm nothing on my own. I'm willing to go on, but not alone, not now. I'm so aware of everything, but nothing seems for real, and as long as you're in front of me then I'll watch the fingers of our hands and I'm grateful that it's me, holding on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...
Touch the fingers of my hand and I wonder if it's me, holding on and on to theories of prosperity, someone who can promise me: "I believe in me"...
Tomorrow I was nothing, yesterday I'll be, time has fooled me into thinking it's a part of me.
Nothing in this room but empty space, no me, no world, no mind, no face...
Touch the fingers of my hand and tell me if it's me, holding on and on to Love, what else is real?
A religion that appeals to me, "I believe in me"...
Can you turn me off for just a second, please, turn me into something faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless, vacuum state of peace....
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...
Wait for me, I'm nothing on my own. I'm willing to go on, but not alone, not now. I'm so aware of everything, but nothing seems for real, and as long as you're in front of me then I'll watch the fingers of our hands and I'm grateful that it's me, holding on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
What is harder, to write or to edit?
Well today I have a pragmatic topic, what is harder to write or to edit? Well, the immediate response is writing, but is it? Writing is very hard it is creating something from nothing, it requires a specific state of mind, creativity, inspiration, art... It is funny but writing is as much about art as it is about content.
Creative writing, this is what we need to produce when writing a thesis, at least in my field... It is as much as the way you tell the story as it is about the content. And I reach my point, the problem is writing is mostly about the content, the editing part is the one where you do the creative writing, restructure, cover holes in the story, put more content, shift things around, etc...
Funny enough, I think writing is harder, to start something is always harder than to change something that already exists (well maybe for programming with certain code this is not true :P). I have more respect for editors though, you don't need great inspiration, but you require a lot of art, and it takes longer than what you envision... In the end of the day, shaping something to look go can be harder than to create something...
I am a ideas men, this means I have loads of ideas about any given topic, when I writing I tend to have a lot of things in mind, and these things don't always transpire in the text. Thus, editing my things does take a lot of effort from me, and honestly I find it has hard as writing... But in a simpler way... Not sure this makes sense, but editing is as hard as writing but more straightforward, simpler, as writing is more complex but less caring...
Well what is the moral of the story? Anything related to writing or editing is hard... Funny enough blogging is easy... I wonder if the difficulties are content related! ;) (everything is clearer for the things we like doing) ;)
Creative writing, this is what we need to produce when writing a thesis, at least in my field... It is as much as the way you tell the story as it is about the content. And I reach my point, the problem is writing is mostly about the content, the editing part is the one where you do the creative writing, restructure, cover holes in the story, put more content, shift things around, etc...
Funny enough, I think writing is harder, to start something is always harder than to change something that already exists (well maybe for programming with certain code this is not true :P). I have more respect for editors though, you don't need great inspiration, but you require a lot of art, and it takes longer than what you envision... In the end of the day, shaping something to look go can be harder than to create something...
I am a ideas men, this means I have loads of ideas about any given topic, when I writing I tend to have a lot of things in mind, and these things don't always transpire in the text. Thus, editing my things does take a lot of effort from me, and honestly I find it has hard as writing... But in a simpler way... Not sure this makes sense, but editing is as hard as writing but more straightforward, simpler, as writing is more complex but less caring...
Well what is the moral of the story? Anything related to writing or editing is hard... Funny enough blogging is easy... I wonder if the difficulties are content related! ;) (everything is clearer for the things we like doing) ;)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The repulsor field...
Well as you may or may not know I am doing a PhD. I am in the writing up process, and I must say it is the worst part of the whole thing. It puts your self confidence, your intelligence, your coolness, your nerves, your emotional state (and for a guy to say emotional state bears as proof of this) to the test... And you inevitably FAIL the test. It is a marathon with good days, e.g. good km, but in the end you always break, you hit the wall like the marathon runners call it. The invisible wall that you feel is there but isn't... The wall of questioning why you are doing, why don't you quit, why doesn't it work, why doesn't it make sense (after all you wrote it), the series of why's that cause the seed of doubt...
I once thought I was one of the smartest persons in the world, well if you feel like that do a PhD... You will never say that again... It is a process that makes you lose yourself, what defines, you... I have no idea what I am doing any more... I am revising a chapter that my supervisor made comments on, and I feel utterly lost about it... "too descriptive", "too vague", "too much detail on simple concept", "not enough detail", and in the end I can't even read the content any more... It is a battle against an invisible wall, and you fight yourself, your feelings, your thoughts to do it, but this only makes it worst, and the feeling is enhanced you you ultimately feel like shit... And when you do, I promise you, smart is something you don't feel.
In the end of the day it is a humbling experience, but too destructive, at least this is what I feel now, people tell me after they finish that it is liberating and you are better built for dealing with the world... Honestly that for me is bullshit, but a PhD provides you with the basic tools to justify even the stupidest of things in order to make some sense given a set of conditions, that may or not be true :P...
In the end you listen to people saying, well doing a PhD was good because my reality is/was__________, but I can see why it wouldn't make sense IN ACTUAL REALITY ;P
And in case you think this is just me enjoy the PhD comics about the repulsor field, it is self explanatory....
I once thought I was one of the smartest persons in the world, well if you feel like that do a PhD... You will never say that again... It is a process that makes you lose yourself, what defines, you... I have no idea what I am doing any more... I am revising a chapter that my supervisor made comments on, and I feel utterly lost about it... "too descriptive", "too vague", "too much detail on simple concept", "not enough detail", and in the end I can't even read the content any more... It is a battle against an invisible wall, and you fight yourself, your feelings, your thoughts to do it, but this only makes it worst, and the feeling is enhanced you you ultimately feel like shit... And when you do, I promise you, smart is something you don't feel.
In the end of the day it is a humbling experience, but too destructive, at least this is what I feel now, people tell me after they finish that it is liberating and you are better built for dealing with the world... Honestly that for me is bullshit, but a PhD provides you with the basic tools to justify even the stupidest of things in order to make some sense given a set of conditions, that may or not be true :P...
In the end you listen to people saying, well doing a PhD was good because my reality is/was__________, but I can see why it wouldn't make sense IN ACTUAL REALITY ;P
And in case you think this is just me enjoy the PhD comics about the repulsor field, it is self explanatory....
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Catalyst, a long overdue Linkin Park post...
Hello world, so yesterday was not able to write anything because I was away, in a Linkin Park concert, which remind me of a lot, including the fact that I should have wrote something about one of my favourite bands new album.
But first let me say the concert was great, has any Linkin Park concert you feel the energy of the people around you, even in england where concerts tend to be a bit calmer... The concert had a big mix of songs, new, old, older, eldest :P. In fact I didn't actually realised until now that is has been more than 10 year that I am following this bands career, and connecting to their lyrics in one way or another. I have say for a while for me, Linkin Park are the one of the greatest poets of modern times... Their music does reflect the extra feeling that I think poets wish they could add to their creations...
OK, I am a big fan, so the hot topic is the new album, well hot and hard topic. To be honest I listen to it three times and I still have no opinion about it. It is not bad, but I can bring myself to say it is good, or anything else for that matter. It is simply different, like some sort of weird experiment, while there are some thing I really like it in, other I simply don't get. Because I am such a big fan of the band it is hard for me to just say it is not good, I think it is too experimental, to a certain extend it seems overworked, over thought. A proof of this is the music catalyst can be found on youtube the various versions, and some are better than the mix in the album. I feel the band doesn't want to be labelled as a certain style, but in the fight against this I feel they lost whatever made the perfect combination. Again brilliant poets, but the mix is lacking something to make it work. To be fair the single did grow on me so maybe the album will as well, I haven't been in the right mindset to give it more chances... So in conclusion a great band can always experiment a little, specially with a performance like this...
Feeling this song live does put it into perspective, in a way the band focus more on wider social problems instead of personal and individual ones. I am of a slip mind on this one, I think they should do what they feel is right, but without trying to be too activist about it, I think in the end of the day they should help people think and not direct people's thoughts. I think that is what made them great in older albums... Again not throwing a punch a that band, love them, but I think to the point and back to basics is better... I think we lose a lot if they don't, it is not for their sake I say this, but for our sake...
And again would not miss a Linkin Park concert, the amount of energy you feel and release, the purest trip across the last 10 years of my life where their music has been always present, and it provided the soundtrack for majority of major events... Well like Linkin Park said "It starts with..."
But first let me say the concert was great, has any Linkin Park concert you feel the energy of the people around you, even in england where concerts tend to be a bit calmer... The concert had a big mix of songs, new, old, older, eldest :P. In fact I didn't actually realised until now that is has been more than 10 year that I am following this bands career, and connecting to their lyrics in one way or another. I have say for a while for me, Linkin Park are the one of the greatest poets of modern times... Their music does reflect the extra feeling that I think poets wish they could add to their creations...
OK, I am a big fan, so the hot topic is the new album, well hot and hard topic. To be honest I listen to it three times and I still have no opinion about it. It is not bad, but I can bring myself to say it is good, or anything else for that matter. It is simply different, like some sort of weird experiment, while there are some thing I really like it in, other I simply don't get. Because I am such a big fan of the band it is hard for me to just say it is not good, I think it is too experimental, to a certain extend it seems overworked, over thought. A proof of this is the music catalyst can be found on youtube the various versions, and some are better than the mix in the album. I feel the band doesn't want to be labelled as a certain style, but in the fight against this I feel they lost whatever made the perfect combination. Again brilliant poets, but the mix is lacking something to make it work. To be fair the single did grow on me so maybe the album will as well, I haven't been in the right mindset to give it more chances... So in conclusion a great band can always experiment a little, specially with a performance like this...
Feeling this song live does put it into perspective, in a way the band focus more on wider social problems instead of personal and individual ones. I am of a slip mind on this one, I think they should do what they feel is right, but without trying to be too activist about it, I think in the end of the day they should help people think and not direct people's thoughts. I think that is what made them great in older albums... Again not throwing a punch a that band, love them, but I think to the point and back to basics is better... I think we lose a lot if they don't, it is not for their sake I say this, but for our sake...
And again would not miss a Linkin Park concert, the amount of energy you feel and release, the purest trip across the last 10 years of my life where their music has been always present, and it provided the soundtrack for majority of major events... Well like Linkin Park said "It starts with..."
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Even the smallest light shines in the dark...
This is one of those sentences that makes perfect sense but would rarely come to mind. I heard it once, in some lost movie or tv series, and thought "how true".
Well today this came to mind, has I was taking walk in the darkest part of my mind. It is funny that we normally use the dark tunnel metaphor for explain how we are in the dark, how we feel lost, disorientated, without a centre... And we say "I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel"... Well I have been saying this for quite some time, but in searching for the light at the end of the tunnel you seem to dismiss all the little lights that might give you comfort along the way. The tinny glimpses of light(hope), and you only focus on the fact that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel... Stop walking and make a light it will make you feel something different, maybe not better but at least feel something different.
The darkness path is long and hard, but there are always little things that will not be dark and cold, the question is how can we use them to make us feel better. At the end of the day, this all makes sense, but do we notice the tinny lights? We are just too focused on the dark, and even if for a instant we remember that even the smallest light shines in the dark, we quickly dismiss it and the dark engulfs us into total darkness...
Well today this came to mind, has I was taking walk in the darkest part of my mind. It is funny that we normally use the dark tunnel metaphor for explain how we are in the dark, how we feel lost, disorientated, without a centre... And we say "I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel"... Well I have been saying this for quite some time, but in searching for the light at the end of the tunnel you seem to dismiss all the little lights that might give you comfort along the way. The tinny glimpses of light(hope), and you only focus on the fact that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel... Stop walking and make a light it will make you feel something different, maybe not better but at least feel something different.
The darkness path is long and hard, but there are always little things that will not be dark and cold, the question is how can we use them to make us feel better. At the end of the day, this all makes sense, but do we notice the tinny lights? We are just too focused on the dark, and even if for a instant we remember that even the smallest light shines in the dark, we quickly dismiss it and the dark engulfs us into total darkness...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
There is no such thing as a free lunch...
Well another day, another story, was considering not even bothering, but I decided to share it with the world...
So I got a nice email, from Google saying that amoung other things "After reviewing our records, we've determined that your AdSense account poses a risk of generating invalid activity.", so translation no more ads for the Blog. There is an appeal which I am sure is there just for show, which I filed. In any case thank you for all who did support the Blog by clicking, on ads that you actually saw and therefore fulfilled the proposed for doing ads. A little bit of sarcasm considering I was given no specific reason for the cancellation, but then again had nothing to start with, have nothing to end with, net result is not negative :P
Well I thought this might be a way to fund my little dream, however how the saying goes "there is no such thing as a free lunch...", even if for a while you think it is free, in reality the carpet will always be pulled from under you feet. Live and learn, in some cases relearn...
I thought I restarted to write this blog for the purpose of supporting the dream, but I fact I like ranting about things, it gives me a bit of purpose in it self, and thus I'll keep on writing, even if I don't do anything towards making people read. So it is a see you latter for me and I guess a goodbye to the ads...
For those who supported the blog, a big THANK YOU, hopefully you found curious things in the ads, plus you made me smile, even if just for a short while...
So I got a nice email, from Google saying that amoung other things "After reviewing our records, we've determined that your AdSense account poses a risk of generating invalid activity.", so translation no more ads for the Blog. There is an appeal which I am sure is there just for show, which I filed. In any case thank you for all who did support the Blog by clicking, on ads that you actually saw and therefore fulfilled the proposed for doing ads. A little bit of sarcasm considering I was given no specific reason for the cancellation, but then again had nothing to start with, have nothing to end with, net result is not negative :P
Well I thought this might be a way to fund my little dream, however how the saying goes "there is no such thing as a free lunch...", even if for a while you think it is free, in reality the carpet will always be pulled from under you feet. Live and learn, in some cases relearn...
I thought I restarted to write this blog for the purpose of supporting the dream, but I fact I like ranting about things, it gives me a bit of purpose in it self, and thus I'll keep on writing, even if I don't do anything towards making people read. So it is a see you latter for me and I guess a goodbye to the ads...
For those who supported the blog, a big THANK YOU, hopefully you found curious things in the ads, plus you made me smile, even if just for a short while...
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Euromillions? Really....
Well in a day of very little to look forward for, a day spent in the constant struggle to keep sane, a day of pure pointlessness... Such a day is prone for feelings of what if... A day that makes you think, wouldn't it be nice that the so called God existed... That day, is the day where you look at Euromillion odds and think 76 275 360 to 1, yes sure I'll take those odds... ;P How? Well I figured out something that nobody has figured before, it is called the internet, I can just google for checking the probability and improve my chances ;P
Funny enough, at a certain point all of this makes sense, and you go what the hell, people win it, why not me? After all I am using the power of the statistics found all across the internet, surely I must be the only one doing it, otherwise there would be winners all the time ;P
Well I am ashamed to say it, but I am mocking myself in this post, because I did play the Euromillions despite that fact of being more likely to be hit by a lightning... I always wondered about this statistic, and because I have this awesome power of the internet I can say it is more likely for me to be hit by a lightning than win Euromillions (576 000 to 1), but more than that, it is more likely that the lightning strike will kill me (2 320 000 to 1). In fact looking at funny statistic it is more likely that I get canonized (20 000 000 to 1), which considering I do not believe in God, is a bit of a stretch... But still I said, what the heck, I'll bet a tenner on this, after all the odds do sound great on a day like today... Then again the possibility of reaching the light to those in the dark will always weight more, regardless of the odds. Hope pushes us to survive, even if to do so it makes us irrational... After all I am sure I have a good chance to win, or at least as good as anybody else ;P
Funny enough, at a certain point all of this makes sense, and you go what the hell, people win it, why not me? After all I am using the power of the statistics found all across the internet, surely I must be the only one doing it, otherwise there would be winners all the time ;P
Well I am ashamed to say it, but I am mocking myself in this post, because I did play the Euromillions despite that fact of being more likely to be hit by a lightning... I always wondered about this statistic, and because I have this awesome power of the internet I can say it is more likely for me to be hit by a lightning than win Euromillions (576 000 to 1), but more than that, it is more likely that the lightning strike will kill me (2 320 000 to 1). In fact looking at funny statistic it is more likely that I get canonized (20 000 000 to 1), which considering I do not believe in God, is a bit of a stretch... But still I said, what the heck, I'll bet a tenner on this, after all the odds do sound great on a day like today... Then again the possibility of reaching the light to those in the dark will always weight more, regardless of the odds. Hope pushes us to survive, even if to do so it makes us irrational... After all I am sure I have a good chance to win, or at least as good as anybody else ;P
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