Not really sure how to feel about it...

As you get better at writing, it becomes increasingly hard to write. just wanted to say that to start a post that has no real direction. I have to admit for starters as well that the driving inspiration to start writing is Rihanna, somehow this song touch me in a way that made me want to say something back to the universe. Round and around, we go... It is obvious that I am listening to it while writing this. For me the song is about myself, not sure how to feel about it, but I do want me to stay. Not in a place or a era, but I want to stay me, somehow I feel it is kinda slipping away. This stupid kid that thought himself as better than everyone else. A one of a kind kid with endless possibilities. That is the funny thing about potential, if you have very little there is very little you can feel you wasted. It sounds redundant and it is in fact, why formulate such thoughts. Life is what happens when you are busy thinking, and yet one cannot stop himself from doing it. At least I can't. This is one of the reasons I like playing around with the idea of being a farmer. The reason why i fantasize of living in a different era, where technology plays a smaller role. I wonder what sort of potential this kid would have grown into. Don't get me wrong I like this version of me, my knowledge, my abilities, and yet wonder on other versions of me. i think I am diverting, the biggest issue is me wondering if I am still true to myself. Playing scenarios allows me to see more of myself, or at least i like to think it does. It is funny how I can say some truth in the mix of a bunch of bullshit (true in its own way, but...). The sabotage factor, saying simply what the problem is would be too open, so i just use words to make it more complex that it is... The simple fact is a song that questioned me "not sure how to feel about it?" About me, do I have something to prove to myself? Or to others? How can I feel nostalgic about something I know I am. The perfect sense of a lyric made to talk about love, and yet I feel it clearly as introspection of myself. Funny things, I guess it is the horoscope syndrome, if you say some generic things people will fit it to their life. And yet I can see the duality of this song I see its intention, but that is not what it makes me feel. Ohh well, "not really sure how to feel about it", but I do want it to stay, perhaps it gives me a glimpse of the feeling attached to "the reason I hold on".... Enjoy....