From the depth of darkness...

In the deepest darkness, even the smallest light will shine... Or something like that, a nice quote from one of my Geeky Tv series. I got reminded of it since I am literally in the dark with only my laptop, so not that small the light but still... Funny enough this is a darker light since it represents what I dread the most these days, but lets not go there... As usual a lot has happen but no real motivation to put in words, I mostly feel I blog is slowly fading away... Which I guess is related with how I feel... In any case I will not go down without a fight so I am sharing my thought from the morning... First let me set up the scene, yesterday went to bed at 5 AM and woke up at 8. Well maybe 8 30 :P can't resist the dammed snooze button ( the devilish invention :P ).

As you can imagine I was tired and I was about to have a day of meetings, which I must say make the day feel pointless and tiring... But I leave my thoughts about meetings for another day... Funny enough I charged my MP3 for going swimming in the weekend and add this year Christmas selection ( this year I did not post it here, but hey if you want it ask :P ) so today I used it instead of the mobile for music. This actually made my day, the fact that I started the day with the stupidest corniest happy song, that I still have in my brain right now... I would share but I am afraid to spread this disease :P

And the moral, well it is the little things that make up life, be on the lookout for them or risk not living ;)

From the land of small duvets....

Long time no see, it is funny how time flies. Well after a series of bad news in conjunction with a set of bad circumstances, where Murphy was the key narrator (yes, the one from all the "nice" laws) I didn't feel let's say too motivated to write here. In addition to the fact that I had to stop writing my thesis for a while (should be able to restart in a couple of weeks). Anyway that is on the background, the usual apologies for my absence, so wide open internet, my dear routers and servers that allow my words to stay on for posterity, I am deeply sorry. As for all the others, well either you know me and I suggest picking up a phone, or you live in the north pole and come out once a day for the joy of little children all over the world. In either case, I believe the big numbers for my apology is the technology that supports my blog, so here you are a series of random characters for you to store.

Well I am in the land of small duvets, for a week now, and will be here for the following 2, and you might be asking yourselves where is the land of small duvets, and more importantly what the f*ck is he talking about ( notice how nice I am by not writing fuck :P). So I get to the hotel, check in, the usual bullshit form, etc. Then go to my room again normal room, the bed is somewhere in between a single and a double, which is fine. The duvet was folded on top of the bed so you don't realise it at first, but when I when to cover myself I realised it the duvet is smaller than the bed, weird I thought, in fact it is smaller even if I am not under it. This might seem like no big deal but I move at night so you have space in the bed to move but you get out of the duvet, get cold, wake up... You see the problem. So the next day I casually introduced the topic to some locals(for those who don't know me, casual is my middle name, followed by the PI (political incorrect) :P ) and found out it is normal here, imagine that. I immediately thought these guys are genius they save on a third of the fabric :P. The locals where like, yes we did notice that when we go other places the duvet is bigger but never made much of it... How weird is that?

In their defence it is my god knows time in this place, I noticed it before but my humour did not made me do much of it either. So I guess my humour is quite affected these days...

Anyhow, I am going under the duvet know and be very still so not to be could, changed hotel and the heating on this one is not that strong, and smaller bed, and guess what? even smaller duvet... Ridiculous... :P

P.S.- I bet you can't guess where I am, unless you already know... :P

The sadness within...

There is a lurking sadness within us, the potential to feel down, some might say the dark potential of feeling down... It is an intrinsic part of who we are, in one way or the other, on some more evident than in others... Despite its dark and bad connotations, people's sadness is one of the biggest sources of inspiration, just think about how many sad songs have touch you in one form or another, and think about how many happy songs do you actually know... Sadness is bad, and yet we hold some sort of fascination for it, it is like it is something we don't like feeling but like staring at... We understand its beauty when we don't feel it, and when we do feel it? Well, then it consumes us... Old myths come to mind, the guy that flu too close to the sun... In reality we normally jump in and out of sadness, not in a controlled manor, but it is like there is on most of us a balance of how much we endure the sadness before we jump out of it... We find ways to comfort ourselves in it, normally using the results of sadness on others (music, poems, films...)... Sadness is something you feel at your core, it is always there, but sometimes it simply cannot be ignored... Or... Or...

Sadness is a modern invention for people with too much time to think about things that are simple... In fact depression is a form of permanent sadness only present to those who don't really have to fight for their survival... At the end of the day, you have within what you are, and nowadays can anybody that has access to this blog really say they are not the result of their society... Can anybody say beyond a reasonable doubt that they are not a mere result of modern times, modern living, modern cravings... We are what we choose to be, however that choice is very driven, and thus not really a choice... In the end I am one of these mere results, we the need to think I am special in some way or form, and thus feel the need to go to my sadness within to inspire the worst states where I come up with dark shit like this, that may or not make sense... Well at least I can write from the dark places in my head, good or bad, that is something....

Does Anything Happen at Random?

The other day I came across a very interesting talk about probability if you have time I definitely recommend it... You might see quite different ;)

Talking out loud...

I've been working heavily on my thesis, which drains me from writing in the blog. Nevertheless I thought I could talk to the blog, try to make a coherent text of my speech. This natural language to is quite interesting, however it's not very useful for writing a thesis since it requires a lot of rework after you dictate the content. Still quite useful for blogging since you don't really care to misspell something or if the logic is correct, or if it's in the right place. I have a backlog of posts that I wanted to write, I can't find it in the strength to do it, on the upside I did write the titles for them, so I won't forget to write them in the near future. I just want to say hi, still alive, still breathing at least, all in all not bad but feel that. It's funny how you can know that you aren't bad, but still feel like crap. A friend of mine told me yesterday that he doesn't read my blog because he feels it's too depressing, which might be true actually. But as the last event whatever frustrations of the day I have, plus not like I have that many followers anyway, hopefully I'm not making anybody depressed. If I am, well, you shouldn't feel depressed life is great, life is what you choose to do with it, and if you choose to do a PhD, well it's only for a few years. Now the rest of your life still happy and to be fair it's only the last year that really takes to energy out of you, until then actually quite a nice experience. Like I said I don't when really, find out what you want to do with your life and be happy, if you aren't happy that means that whatever you're doing is not right. So take a leap and change all I can say.

P.S.- Written using natural language, so might contain errors ;P

Writing a post in natural language

hello world, today I'm not writing but dictating to the computer and seeing what comes up. It is surprisingly quite accurate system and I've only trained it in the first instance. It is remarkable how far technology has come in and understanding the way we speak. Most people are not aware of the system and are not aware that they could use such a system, in fact I can see this as a great substitute for certain secretaries that do mostly nothing.

You just have to speak and give commands and this actually interprets everything like nicely. I'm not correcting it in on purpose so you seen the limitations of this software. In fact it's not done on the previous line had a problem but you can still understand the content of the message. And you have to still bear in mind that I only did the one training exercise in fact this has quite advanced exercises with very elaborate text. Another thing that you might consider is that I'm talking fluently and not spelling each word. Again it has some bugs but I'm quite impressed by the software if you're using a proper microphone. I have tried this in the past using a rubbish microphone and it didn't give me any results so don't underestimate the power of a good microphone. Hopefully all of this makes sense because I do not checking all the words that I've been ordering written.

This is just an interesting post for me, and it shows the potential of technology if you know how to use it. I think that that's one of the biggest limitations that our society has. Most people have no understanding of how to use technology or even have the smallest notion of its potential. So I find it quite remarkable that peoples still say that we to progress technologically, when in fact if we use the technology available to us right now we would be already in the far far future.

Thank you for listening, and in this case it's really listening because I haven't touched the keyboard ( well I mostly didn't but sometimes I spoke out of turn in the software product wrong, but hopefully it gives you a good impression on this software with minimum configurations to your voice and your speech).

"I believe in me"... (or do I?)

Bravely I look further than I see, knowing things I know I cannot be, not now... I'm so aware of where I am, but I don't know where that is and there's something right in front of me and I...

Touch the fingers of my hand and I wonder if it's me, holding on and on to theories of prosperity, someone who can promise me: "I believe in me"...

Tomorrow I was nothing, yesterday I'll be, time has fooled me into thinking it's a part of me.
Nothing in this room but empty space, no me, no world, no mind, no face...

Touch the fingers of my hand and tell me if it's me, holding on and on to Love, what else is real?
A religion that appeals to me, "I believe in me"...

Can you turn me off for just a second, please, turn me into something faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless, vacuum state of peace....

On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...

Wait for me, I'm nothing on my own. I'm willing to go on, but not alone, not now. I'm so aware of everything, but nothing seems for real, and as long as you're in front of me then I'll watch the fingers of our hands and I'm grateful that it's me, holding on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on... "I believe in me"...