The thought that there is always something you might say, and things will magically turn out the way you want them to, the idea that we can, that we master our fate (fado). I like to think I can, and sometimes like today I have the perfect sensation that I can't do squat, either for inability or simply because it can't be done.
This feeling is quite disarming, it affects even your judgment of what you can do, and should do. The thing on days like today is why would I even try doing anything, I mean think about you can see you can't do anything, should you still try? If you are honest with yourself, you should, better to have fought and lost... you know the story. But your fears take over, they destroy what you know for certain, you start doubting yourself, the doubt is the seed for all inaction... Fucking not cool, I don't even know what I am talking about, honestly I’ll just share a song with you guys, a song that I feel as my curse, something I can see only in special moments where I can trust myself so much and distrust what others show me... (If it doesn't make sense, well it does for those who know me, and if it doesn't for those I am sure I could convince you it does :P)
After dueling with the right music clip, I choose the one that has the lyric and shows less beyond it, but if you youtube it you might find different views for the song, if you know how to look...
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The simple life...
Have you ever considered quitting your life? Not on the suicide kind of way, quit your state in life, start from scratch, but literally from scratch. Don't get me wrong I don't mean cut off your world from all others. But simple change your world, the things that are yours, you way of thinking, what you do, where you work, what you work on...
Now a days a do a kind of a joke, which is technically not a joke because I do consider it, what if I quit what I am doing (a PhD, but not only cut the being an engineer), and what defines me in society and become a fishermen. Like move to a small simple country, buy a hut, and become a fishermen, how cool would that be?
It doesn't have to be that, I could like do all I need to do and become a scuba instructor, and just give classes of that somewhere where life is simpler... Again how cool would that be?
No technology, which is quite curious since I work with technology, but also use it in my private life, in such a way that some of the shit I know I might have learned it from professional or private :P.
This sounds like a complain and it is far from it, I like technology, and I like solving problems, thus engineering is not a bad deal. But sometimes I crave for simplicity, the kind of work you don't think, just do, the kind of life from others, that you envision but can't bring yourself to live.
The meaning of doing something simple, and being happy doing it, feeling complete... Either by choice of not thinking or simply by clouded vision, or even being too busy to notice... The cool life of just living, thinking of today with no tomorrow in sight, simply because it will be the today of tomorrow.
The things that cross ones mind, and today is a huge day for me, been up since 7 AM and didn't went to bed early, so I’ll leave you with these thoughts to consider or not...
Now a days a do a kind of a joke, which is technically not a joke because I do consider it, what if I quit what I am doing (a PhD, but not only cut the being an engineer), and what defines me in society and become a fishermen. Like move to a small simple country, buy a hut, and become a fishermen, how cool would that be?
It doesn't have to be that, I could like do all I need to do and become a scuba instructor, and just give classes of that somewhere where life is simpler... Again how cool would that be?
No technology, which is quite curious since I work with technology, but also use it in my private life, in such a way that some of the shit I know I might have learned it from professional or private :P.
This sounds like a complain and it is far from it, I like technology, and I like solving problems, thus engineering is not a bad deal. But sometimes I crave for simplicity, the kind of work you don't think, just do, the kind of life from others, that you envision but can't bring yourself to live.
The meaning of doing something simple, and being happy doing it, feeling complete... Either by choice of not thinking or simply by clouded vision, or even being too busy to notice... The cool life of just living, thinking of today with no tomorrow in sight, simply because it will be the today of tomorrow.
The things that cross ones mind, and today is a huge day for me, been up since 7 AM and didn't went to bed early, so I’ll leave you with these thoughts to consider or not...
Monday, January 28, 2008
MP3 players
Today I’m talking of something not that relevant, still interesting, that I just re-experienced, and which I am sure will re-experience again.
Have you notice the extreme proliferation of MP3 and other sound devices in society. In Portugal I normally drive, so no big need for MP3 player since I have the car radio, in the UK I am a pedestrian as such I need some music to go from A to B. It is not something I think much about, simply before I leave the house I put on the MP3 player, it's like an extension, a need for entertainment while I walk, or ride the bus, or whatever. No problems so far, the thing is I notice that people talk less and less to each other, I mean the music is like a shield from everybody else (Don't get me wrong sometimes I really like the shield, namely when I meet someone I really don't want to talk to, still they always have a way to break the shield anyway :P).
Today I was getting on the bus and there were 2 other people there, which I am sure we might have a casual conversation, instead we waited for 15 minutes in the cold with head phones on. Not that I am against this, but people do complain that society is more distant, that people bond less, and that those bonds mean less.
The casual conversation in a plane or a train going somewhere, is slowly being killed by the head phones, and actually I meet some nice people in these situations, not people that you keep in touch, but simply an interaction, an exchange of ideas, a casual conversation about nothing to past the time.
I like music a lot, and I learn from it, study it (in a way), but the question still came to mind, aren't we giving up the opportunities of living by closing ourselves in our bubble with pre selected sound tracks and pre selected thoughts? Just a thought.
Have you notice the extreme proliferation of MP3 and other sound devices in society. In Portugal I normally drive, so no big need for MP3 player since I have the car radio, in the UK I am a pedestrian as such I need some music to go from A to B. It is not something I think much about, simply before I leave the house I put on the MP3 player, it's like an extension, a need for entertainment while I walk, or ride the bus, or whatever. No problems so far, the thing is I notice that people talk less and less to each other, I mean the music is like a shield from everybody else (Don't get me wrong sometimes I really like the shield, namely when I meet someone I really don't want to talk to, still they always have a way to break the shield anyway :P).
Today I was getting on the bus and there were 2 other people there, which I am sure we might have a casual conversation, instead we waited for 15 minutes in the cold with head phones on. Not that I am against this, but people do complain that society is more distant, that people bond less, and that those bonds mean less.
The casual conversation in a plane or a train going somewhere, is slowly being killed by the head phones, and actually I meet some nice people in these situations, not people that you keep in touch, but simply an interaction, an exchange of ideas, a casual conversation about nothing to past the time.
I like music a lot, and I learn from it, study it (in a way), but the question still came to mind, aren't we giving up the opportunities of living by closing ourselves in our bubble with pre selected sound tracks and pre selected thoughts? Just a thought.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Garbage
The band, I was going to talk about being sick, but honestly I can't be bother, in a short sequence of words, body hurts, feel bad :P. Physical pain is hard but nowadays, one can really complain when he gets sick, with all the measures in place, rarely is something.
So I am listening to garbage, nothing new here, I did it before Christmas, but when my hard drive burned I kind of let it slip from memory. I did remember to include one on the Christmas CD (I record a CD every year and give it to some people).
Don't want to talk much, just have this song from the past that I choose to share, like the song of what I felt years ago... And the funny part is I still do... Time changes us, but does it change our feelings?
Anyways great beat, and WHEN I GROW UP I'LL TURN THE TABLES :P
So I am listening to garbage, nothing new here, I did it before Christmas, but when my hard drive burned I kind of let it slip from memory. I did remember to include one on the Christmas CD (I record a CD every year and give it to some people).
Don't want to talk much, just have this song from the past that I choose to share, like the song of what I felt years ago... And the funny part is I still do... Time changes us, but does it change our feelings?
Anyways great beat, and WHEN I GROW UP I'LL TURN THE TABLES :P
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Shopping
Since this blog is a pos New Year thing, I still haven't talked about the wonders of shopping, something that I think about in abundance around Christmas, and unfortunately a few other times throughout the year (in smaller manner :D).
As you know I am currently living in the UK, and here Saturday is like ant day out, what this means is all the ants go out from there hole towards... wait for it... wait for it... SHOPPING, I wonder what happens in people's brains to waste a day looking at shit, even when you need it, seriously it’s like they thrive on it and the more the merrier.
Today due to need, I went out of my hole against my better judgment, meet up some people in town although I was late, and this is the only situation where I couldn't care less about being late. Regardless of this, a curious episode happen, so I was searching for a ski jacket with Thomas, me no luck, but he found one that he liked a lot but a small problem, one of the zippers got recursively stuck. We went to try and solve it, bla bla bla, when he was thinking should I take it or not, 3 guys start following him, as soon as he puts it down, they where like wild animals that haven't ate in weeks. Honestly, WHAT THE FUCK, and they where guys, I mean how sad can you be.
Personally I hate shopping, if I do it for over two hours, I start sweating, really stressed, especially with a lot of people around, so I go for coffee, or whatever but being in a shopping environment for over a certain period of time is unthinkable.
Going back home I was thinking, do people really need that many stuff to fill up all shops in town, and notice it is not a special time, sales are almost over, no Christmas, what is the excuse?
I know about the bullshit (and don't take this word the wrong way, all is bullshit) that tells us we live in a consumers society, but the question remains, why is this?
I like to have stuff as much as the other guy, I like going for a new mobile, playing with, buy a good book, etc. This means I do shop, but I don't go shopping for the sake of finding something I’d like, it comes out of needs like, need to read something, or mobile is dead, or need a pair of jeans. This means nothing, so how come the streets are full, is everybody else so different?
The thing that concerns me more is, don't they have better things to do? It is like for some this is the only way to interact in society, to feel like they belong to something. I thought about this one ages ago, have we gone so deep into loneliness that shopping is a way to feel part of society, what goes through peoples heads? "At least I talk with the sales person!” I really hope not, this is way too sad.
It can also be the ant effect, the tendency to follow crowds, if everybody does it we should join. There are some studies that show this strange group effect behavior, where people willingly give up their individuality to act as a group. If that is the case, please, please, find a new group to follow...
Regardless of this, I have to report I haven't bought the stupid jacket, so I’ll have to pass another day of this misery, hopefully the ski will be worth it.
STOP SHOPPING for no reason, stay home watch a movie, you'll learn more...
As you know I am currently living in the UK, and here Saturday is like ant day out, what this means is all the ants go out from there hole towards... wait for it... wait for it... SHOPPING, I wonder what happens in people's brains to waste a day looking at shit, even when you need it, seriously it’s like they thrive on it and the more the merrier.
Today due to need, I went out of my hole against my better judgment, meet up some people in town although I was late, and this is the only situation where I couldn't care less about being late. Regardless of this, a curious episode happen, so I was searching for a ski jacket with Thomas, me no luck, but he found one that he liked a lot but a small problem, one of the zippers got recursively stuck. We went to try and solve it, bla bla bla, when he was thinking should I take it or not, 3 guys start following him, as soon as he puts it down, they where like wild animals that haven't ate in weeks. Honestly, WHAT THE FUCK, and they where guys, I mean how sad can you be.
Personally I hate shopping, if I do it for over two hours, I start sweating, really stressed, especially with a lot of people around, so I go for coffee, or whatever but being in a shopping environment for over a certain period of time is unthinkable.
Going back home I was thinking, do people really need that many stuff to fill up all shops in town, and notice it is not a special time, sales are almost over, no Christmas, what is the excuse?
I know about the bullshit (and don't take this word the wrong way, all is bullshit) that tells us we live in a consumers society, but the question remains, why is this?
I like to have stuff as much as the other guy, I like going for a new mobile, playing with, buy a good book, etc. This means I do shop, but I don't go shopping for the sake of finding something I’d like, it comes out of needs like, need to read something, or mobile is dead, or need a pair of jeans. This means nothing, so how come the streets are full, is everybody else so different?
The thing that concerns me more is, don't they have better things to do? It is like for some this is the only way to interact in society, to feel like they belong to something. I thought about this one ages ago, have we gone so deep into loneliness that shopping is a way to feel part of society, what goes through peoples heads? "At least I talk with the sales person!” I really hope not, this is way too sad.
It can also be the ant effect, the tendency to follow crowds, if everybody does it we should join. There are some studies that show this strange group effect behavior, where people willingly give up their individuality to act as a group. If that is the case, please, please, find a new group to follow...
Regardless of this, I have to report I haven't bought the stupid jacket, so I’ll have to pass another day of this misery, hopefully the ski will be worth it.
STOP SHOPPING for no reason, stay home watch a movie, you'll learn more...
Friday, January 25, 2008
The absence of thought
Today, I was certain of not having anything to say, I even discussed it with a friend, and as I did, I figured out, I could have a lot to say about different things (trust, fears, all sort of things). The thing is I don't want to talk about those, and sitting here with my music playing I realize the attempt to stop, the need to feel numb, the need to free myself from the constrains of being me.
To think is something I just take for granted, I mean we all do think, but I can say without modesty that I am a over thinker, it as always been part of me, and it is a big part of the definition of me.
The thing is lately I hate this, the curse of not being able to stop, the destine (fado) of being bound to who I am. And sitting here I figure through the thing I am bashing (my thoughts) that this is the problem, I feel so stuck to who I am, that the only reacting is numbness, at least I stop, all the things are still here, I know them, I can see them, but by standing still it is as if they aren't there anymore for the real world. If nobody sees it, is it really there? Philosophy is always present help on these issues that have no real answers, just real questions as answers.
So the irony, the absence of thought, the thought needs you to carry it through, if you don't, well like words if nobody says something there is always the chance it isn't there, but once someone spoke it, it is out there, and it exists. Thought can be the same, although we all know it is not, for the others there is no difference.
This is getting of track, I am actually wondering how to jump start myself, honestly I need to snap out of it and get back on track.
To live is not to see it in your head, but to make it happen, preferably as you see it in your head. Good solution, any thoughts on how to do it?
To think is something I just take for granted, I mean we all do think, but I can say without modesty that I am a over thinker, it as always been part of me, and it is a big part of the definition of me.
The thing is lately I hate this, the curse of not being able to stop, the destine (fado) of being bound to who I am. And sitting here I figure through the thing I am bashing (my thoughts) that this is the problem, I feel so stuck to who I am, that the only reacting is numbness, at least I stop, all the things are still here, I know them, I can see them, but by standing still it is as if they aren't there anymore for the real world. If nobody sees it, is it really there? Philosophy is always present help on these issues that have no real answers, just real questions as answers.
So the irony, the absence of thought, the thought needs you to carry it through, if you don't, well like words if nobody says something there is always the chance it isn't there, but once someone spoke it, it is out there, and it exists. Thought can be the same, although we all know it is not, for the others there is no difference.
This is getting of track, I am actually wondering how to jump start myself, honestly I need to snap out of it and get back on track.
To live is not to see it in your head, but to make it happen, preferably as you see it in your head. Good solution, any thoughts on how to do it?
Linkin Park concert
Brilliant concert, I’m a huge Linkin Park fan, for me the are the greatest poets of modern age, combining the words with the right sound, the only sound possible, the one that matches the content of the lyrics. Unfortunately I forgot my camera, so not photos or videos from the concert.
Still I want to leave you with one of the first Linkin Park songs, the one most say doesn't really sound like Linkin Park, as for me it proves my point the right sound to match the lyric.
I choose the original but the live it has another magic, here is the lyric:
"My December"
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
Still I want to leave you with one of the first Linkin Park songs, the one most say doesn't really sound like Linkin Park, as for me it proves my point the right sound to match the lyric.
I choose the original but the live it has another magic, here is the lyric:
"My December"
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you
And I give it all away
Just to have
Somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
And I give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to
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